After my sister Erin returned home after her two-week visit in MN, I did not start wondering where the awful-smelling leather "not-candle" was hidden. If you missed the complete story, click here. I was told that it would appear sometime soon, in a normal activity, so I wasn't too worried about it. BIG MISTAKE! While going the routines of a normal Tuesday--school, meetings, prep for preschool, buying gas.... WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD ON! Here's where I did not nearly freak out and get sent to the mental institution. As I opened the door to my gas tank on my car, I did not feel something stuck inside, and when seeing something duck-taped in there, I did not have thoughts such as Do I hear a ticking noise? Who would put something in a gas tank... unless they're going to blow it up!!! AAAHHHH! It's a bomb. I'm gonna die! The entire town will go up in smoke once the gas station explodes! Uh, what?!?! It's the stupid candle?!?!? Oh, Erin's gonna die! Once I regained my composure--about two seconds later--I did not call Erin and say, "You are such a FREAK!" She did not start laughing immediately because she knew exactly what I was talking about. Oh, but the paybacks are sweet, let me tell you! Just wait, little sister!
Because of the busy social life I do not have, this week I did not have something going on 4 nights; therefore, I did not realize at the end of the week that I'd eaten at Subway 3 times. In a town of less than 10,000 people we do not have 3 Subways, and I did not visit all three of them this week.
Being somewhat sick of Subway after my 3 visits, I did not choose to get a ham and cheese from Arby's. As I pulled up to the drive-thru window, I did not realize that I had left my wallet at home. I did not drive away from Arby's with a hungry stomach and I was not reminded of my stupidity all night as my tummy rumbled until I got home to eat something.
With excitement rushing through my veins in anticipation of a "girls night out" to watch a movie, I was not hurrying through Wal-Mart trying to find a snack to share. After picking up mozzarella bites and pizza dipping sauce, I was not leisurely browsing through the store when I hear a loud shattering sound. Glancing around, I definitely did not realize that the sound came from my cart, and when I looked down, I absolutely did not find a jar of pizza sauce smashed to smithereens on the floor. Not feeling like Urkel, I did not immediately think Did I do that? The proof was not in the splattering of sauce all over the legs of my jeans.... and we will not even talk about my white tennis shoes that did not have red accents. After checking to make sure no one saw this incident, I did not walk around for a few minutes, trying to find someone to clean it up--okay, I was really trying to convice myself to do so. As I was not arguing with myself, I did not hear a kind voice over the pager Can I get a member of maintenance to Men & Boys for a clean-up. (I was in the aisle between the fitting rooms and the boys' department.) I did not give up shopping for the rest of my things because I did not see pizza sauce footprints following me through the store.....
Could it be the Subway food? I did not stay up until 1:30 AM three nights this week. Hmmm... Subway 3 times.... late night 3 times.... Is there a connection?
On our last night of Cubbies, you can be certain that I would never think of giving ice cream sandwiches to preschoolers right before sending them home to their parents. That would be too cruel for Mom and Dad, so that's something I for sure did not do.
I did not kick off my garage sale season by travelling 30 miles with a friend to every garage sale seeker's dream. We did not find an entire arena filled with clothes, shoes, books, knick-knacks, plants, furniture, etc. I did not smirk when I saw that they had a concession area, and not just a couple tables. We're talkin' a small cafeteria! My first impression of amazement was not outdone by the booming voice I heard over the loudspeaker. Really, a loudspeaker? That's gotta be a new one! I did not come out of there with 6 bags of stuff, having spent only 5 dollars. I did not consider finding a 2010 calendar and marking the date for their next sale!
I am not proud to say I'll be number
Chances are, if you've been around for a while, you are already familiar with Not Me! Monday. If, however, you're a newcomer, check out MckMama's blog and enjoy the other brutally honest people who have done some stuff they're less than proud of, but have lived to tell about it!