Monday, May 4, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Well, it's time once again for Not Me! Monday. It is good to have MckMama back on board! Check out her blog to see what she and everyone else has not been up to this week. Wow, it's been a very busy week. It's a good thing I have not done anything stupid this week, so this post will not be rather short. Grab a cup of coffee and maybe some toothpicks to stay awake for this one.....

After my sister Erin returned home after her two-week visit in MN, I did not start wondering where the awful-smelling leather "not-candle" was hidden. If you missed the complete story, click here. I was told that it would appear sometime soon, in a normal activity, so I wasn't too worried about it. BIG MISTAKE! While going the routines of a normal Tuesday--school, meetings, prep for preschool, buying gas.... WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD ON! Here's where I did not nearly freak out and get sent to the mental institution. As I opened the door to my gas tank on my car, I did not feel something stuck inside, and when seeing something duck-taped in there, I did not have thoughts such as Do I hear a ticking noise? Who would put something in a gas tank... unless they're going to blow it up!!! AAAHHHH! It's a bomb. I'm gonna die! The entire town will go up in smoke once the gas station explodes! Uh, what?!?! It's the stupid candle?!?!? Oh, Erin's gonna die! Once I regained my composure--about two seconds later--I did not call Erin and say, "You are such a FREAK!" She did not start laughing immediately because she knew exactly what I was talking about. Oh, but the paybacks are sweet, let me tell you! Just wait, little sister!

Because of the busy social life I do not have, this week I did not have something going on 4 nights; therefore, I did not realize at the end of the week that I'd eaten at Subway 3 times. In a town of less than 10,000 people we do not have 3 Subways, and I did not visit all three of them this week.

Being somewhat sick of Subway after my 3 visits, I did not choose to get a ham and cheese from Arby's. As I pulled up to the drive-thru window, I did not realize that I had left my wallet at home. I did not drive away from Arby's with a hungry stomach and I was not reminded of my stupidity all night as my tummy rumbled until I got home to eat something.

With excitement rushing through my veins in anticipation of a "girls night out" to watch a movie, I was not hurrying through Wal-Mart trying to find a snack to share. After picking up mozzarella bites and pizza dipping sauce, I was not leisurely browsing through the store when I hear a loud shattering sound. Glancing around, I definitely did not realize that the sound came from my cart, and when I looked down, I absolutely did not find a jar of pizza sauce smashed to smithereens on the floor. Not feeling like Urkel, I did not immediately think Did I do that? The proof was not in the splattering of sauce all over the legs of my jeans.... and we will not even talk about my white tennis shoes that did not have red accents. After checking to make sure no one saw this incident, I did not walk around for a few minutes, trying to find someone to clean it up--okay, I was really trying to convice myself to do so. As I was not arguing with myself, I did not hear a kind voice over the pager Can I get a member of maintenance to Men & Boys for a clean-up. (I was in the aisle between the fitting rooms and the boys' department.) I did not give up shopping for the rest of my things because I did not see pizza sauce footprints following me through the store.....

Could it be the Subway food? I did not stay up until 1:30 AM three nights this week. Hmmm... Subway 3 times.... late night 3 times.... Is there a connection?

On our last night of Cubbies, you can be certain that I would never think of giving ice cream sandwiches to preschoolers right before sending them home to their parents. That would be too cruel for Mom and Dad, so that's something I for sure did not do.

I did not kick off my garage sale season by travelling 30 miles with a friend to every garage sale seeker's dream. We did not find an entire arena filled with clothes, shoes, books, knick-knacks, plants, furniture, etc. I did not smirk when I saw that they had a concession area, and not just a couple tables. We're talkin' a small cafeteria! My first impression of amazement was not outdone by the booming voice I heard over the loudspeaker. Really, a loudspeaker? That's gotta be a new one! I did not come out of there with 6 bags of stuff, having spent only 5 dollars. I did not consider finding a 2010 calendar and marking the date for their next sale!

I am not proud to say I'll be number 818 or rather 819 to link my post on MckMama's blog!

Chances are, if you've been around for a while, you are already familiar with Not Me! Monday. If, however, you're a newcomer, check out MckMama's blog and enjoy the other brutally honest people who have done some stuff they're less than proud of, but have lived to tell about it!

9 comments:

A day in the Life... said...

Great not me's! I have to say that the ice cream sandwiches weren't as bad as the jellybeans that my kids ate a couple weeks prior at cubbies. Megan and Mike really like to give them treats apparently! lol They were wound!

Ace said...

pizza sauce footprints?! That's good!

ben and erin said...

why on earth did you not call me after the walmart incident?! that was so freakin hillarious! :-) i wish i could've been with you!

and subway, i think they pump their bread full of caffeine! :-) after i had them one night i was up at 4 am. but only because i think i got sick from the sub.

Heather said...

Hmmmmmm.....why didn't I call after the Wal-Mart incident... I think I was in denial that it really happened to me, and I was hopeing I'd wake up from the bad dream. In reality, nope, it wasn't a dream, more like a nightmare!

And caffeinated bread??? That's an interesting twist. Maybe something our entrepreneur (did I spell that right?) brother-in-law could market!

Vijini Streblow said...

You are so funny!!! Did you have to pay for the broken jar??? I hope not! I wish I could've seen you when it happened!

Becky said...

Duh hello.... caffinated bread... kinda like COFFEE cake... some people are so blonde... I agree with ERin about the WM pizza sauce thing!! I usually walk away... well usually it's the kids that break something-- i remember when Nat at age 2 dropped a gallon jar of pickles-- but I guess you were walking proof that it was you!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Great list! I knew the minute is saw the NAME of your blog I'd love it! I love random ramblers! Then? TO see who your sister is? Even better! Top it off by the fact we live in the same state? We were meant to be!

Jess(ica) said...

wow you sure "didn't" do a lot of stuff this week! I didn't know GR had 3 subways? I know of the one on Pokegama and the one on 169S and Hwy 2 but where is the 3rd... no shame in having subway 3 times though... that place is amazing!

PS I love how you have a topic category called "Leather candle" haha oh and did you get a pic of the candle in the gas thing? Good job Erin!

Heather said...

Jessica, the 3rd Subway is in Walmart. And no, I didn't take a picture of the "non-candle" in the gas tank...I was trying to calm my heart from beating so fast and trying to look up the name of a good shrink at the same time! :)